30 Days of Thanks- Day 6

Today I am thankful for my freedoms. I'm thankful that I can go vote, I can choose and practice my religion and that I can openly share my opinions. I'm thankful to be a part of a family that has sacrificed to keep our freedoms. I hope that today you took the time to vote. I hope that researched each person and amendment and made an education choice when you colored in that circle. Your vote does count and you need to make sure you are heard. You cannot sit around and whine and complain if you don't do something about it. Take a stand and be confident in the decisions you have made.

Now, I must return to the nursery to finish getting stuff put away and to continue listening to the reports of how the election is turning out. I'm just keeping in mind that no matter who wins....God is still in control!

I hope you have a great night!

30 Days of Thanks: Day 3, 4 and 5

What a crazy weekend! I am terrible about sitting down and making time for the little things, like blogging....because of this, my blog suffered over the weekend. However, I will now catch up and share the things I'm thankful for for Days 3, 4, and 5!

Day 3---I am so very thankful for my children! They are wonderful and such a blessing. I never knew a love like I know now, and I can't imagine living a life that doesn't involve the wonderful blessing of children.

Maddison~ This little girl changed me in ways I never knew were possible. During deployment when I didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to smile, laugh or even eat....she gave the strength to do so. She kept me going and filled a void in my life that I never knew was there. She has brought so much joy to my life. When I first found out I was pregnant with her, I was scared to death. Was I ready to be a mom, would I ever really be ready? Thankfully, she has a daddy that stood right by me and together, we have learned some of the ropes to parenting. She has taught me patience, to cherish the little things, and that children grow up way too fast!

Baby # 2~ This tiny little baby also changed me. I don't know whether this was a boy or girl, and I have no pictures to look at, but this baby is just as much my child as Maddison. I seen the little baby on the ultrasound, to me, it looked perfect, but for some reason God seen different and called this precious little being home before we ever laid eyes him/her. This was one of the most difficult things I have ever been through and at times I didn't think I was going to get over it. Miscarriage is an awful thing, but I leaned on my God and my family and seen the blessing through the trial. I wanted another baby so bad, and I was so excited, yet it was all taken from me in the blink of an eye. However, I'm thankful it was an early miscarriage. I am now a stronger person, someone who can reach out to those who go through the same thing and tell them that there is still hope for a healthy baby, and that they can get through it just like I did. I would love nothing more than to hold this baby in my arms and love on it and cherish it, but I know Jesus can do a much better job at that than I can. I can rest easy and move because I know my child is living the perfect life and is my Lord and Savior. It's been almost a year since he/she went to heaven and there are many times I think about him/her and sometimes I still cry for my baby, but I know everything happens for a reason and that God has the perfect plan.This baby taught me just how precious life really is.

C.J.~ I have yet to meet this little boy, but I am waiting patiently. I have seen the wonderful miracle of life come together on the ultrasound screen. My very first visit, there was nothing but a yolk sac that was preparing for a baby....exactly one week later, there was a baby with a wonderful heartbeat. At 20 weeks, he was just as healthy, growing wonderfully and moving all around. He has taught me that even though God saw fit to bring my second home with Him, that he can still bless me with healthy children. I have already learned, just through pregnancy, that boys are much different than girls and I am most certainly going to have my hands full! I cannot wait to hold this precious baby in my arms and I refuse to take every moment of this pregnancy of his life for granted, because I have already learned that life is just too short!

Day 4---I am thankful for my parents and my in laws. No matter what, Chris and I can always count of them for whatever we need. They have given us advice, helped us financially and even taken care of our child when we just needed a break. Our parents raised us to the best of their ability, and if I can say so myself, they did a pretty good job. We consider ourselves lucky to both come from homes where our parents are still married and that because of this, they have taught us that when things get hard, doesn't mean it's time to quit. They all are also wonderful grandparents. I know what it means to have a great relationship with your grandparents and what it means to have wonderful grandparents and I'm so thankful that God has blessed my children with them.

Day 5--- I am thankful for friends and family that pray! Last week was rough, and if today is an inkling of how the rest of the week will be, I just want to go to bed and stay there. Since that is not a possibility, I'm just praying and being thankful to those that pray with me and I'm trusting that God will take care of everything and has a plan in motion. If you're reading this, just please say a prayer for my family and I. We greatly need it and appreciate it! :)

Thirty Days of Thanks-Day 2

      Day 2: I am thankful for my husband! For those of you who don't know it...here's our story.

                                                                 Our first picture together.
I was just browsing friends of friends on Myspace one day and came across Christopher's profile. His car was his profile picture and it definitely caught my eye. ( I am a huge Dodge fan...and he had a Charger). Then his profile said he was a Christian, and that he love the Florida Gators...going three for three here. I sent him a message just introducing myself, and to my surprise got one back. We exchanged several messages, then phone numbers and after a gazillion text messages I asked if wanted to go to the "Oklahoma" play in Lake City. Of course he said he would go, and then we finally met in person. It was an interesting but great date to say the least. After that, we began to spend lots of time together and things went from there. We would spend time at the park, just walking around, talking about our lives and getting to know each other...that was a time when things were simple, but wonderful. Through out the time we spent together, two "dates" stand out the most...the one where he almost stood me up at IHOP, and the other when we spent the weekend of July 4th together.
IHOP----I'm not even sure where to begin. I was out putting in applications and we decided to meet at IHOP for lunch. Well....the waitress was really nice, got my drink, and proceeded to check on me often to see if I wanted to order. I kept telling her no, that I was waiting for someone....someone who was supposed to be there an hour ago. I'm telling you, she thought I was stood up...and so did I. Christopher's story was that he had to put his shirt in the dryer to de-wrinkle it and it took longer than he expected. After getting married...I find out the truth....he fell back asleep, but was embarrassed and didn't want to tell me that. At the time I didn't think anything about. No big deal, I just spent my time wondering if he was going to show....afterwards, I felt kind of stupid as I know the waitress felt pitty for me. However, it is something we can laugh about and will always remember.

                                                                         At the race. 


July 4th weekend of 2008----What a great weekend! It was the best weekend I had in a long time, will be something I will always remember. Friday night July 4th began the festivities. Christopher took me to the Landing in Jacksonville for Fireworks. I had never been and I really enjoyed it. There was a lot of people and the drive home was a little crazy, but we managed and had a great time. Saturday, we left early and went to the Coke Zero 400 in Daytona. Christopher, his dad, his papa, his uncle and I all crammed in his car to get to the race....it was interesting, but leaving the race was even more interesting. I had a great time, and being that it was my first time at the race, I wouldn't have had any other way. On Sunday, we ended the weekend by going to church. The weekend flew by, but it was a great one, one that helped us get to where we are and one that will always be remembered.
I love going back and thinking how we got started in the beginning. I know I can say without a doubt, that I didn't think we would be where we are today. Things are not always easy for us, but I'm thankful for Chris. He has been my rock and my encouragement through so much. He gets frustrated with me at times and thinks I'm just this crazy emotional person, but he always helps me through.  He's always there to remind me that everything we've gone, are going through and will go through is just part of God's plan. I'm so thankful that he is a Godly man, serving God and doing what God wants him to do. I'm thankful that I can count on him to pray for me, and to be quote me scriptures when I need it the most. I'm thankful that he's a good daddy, and husband that goes to work for us, provides for us and doesn't complain if we decide to go shopping and get lunch. I'm so thankful that he compliments me in every way and is willing to put up with me even on my hardest days. I am no easy person to live with, but he does it, most of the time takes my craziness with ease and is always there to pick me up when I fall. I'm thankful that he has the same views I do, and that we both agreed that when we said "I do" it was forever, and that just because things get tough, doesn't mean it's time to quit.
I'm so thankful that God seen us fit for each and opened up the doors for everything to fall into place. I am proud to call myself Mrs. Christopher Crews, and I know that I cannot take my relationship for granted. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and he has had made the possible for me, and has allowed me the opportunity to go back to school. He doesn't complain to much when the house isn't clean or when I have done laundry, I just have to make sure he has something to eat. :) I love you, Chris and I am so thankful for you!

Thirty Days of Thanks-Day 1

It has been a while since I have written a post, but I figured there's no better time to start blogging again. So many things are going on, my life has been crazy. Yesterday was an awful day...too much stress, too much pain...and just too much of life at one time. However, a good nights rest, and several prayers have made today a little better. Through it all, I can still find a whole lot to be thankful for. I have pondered what my Day One thanks would be as there are many important things in my life but without one thing....nothing else matters!
Day One: I am thankful for Jesus. Without Him, and without knowing that I'm going to heaven, nothing else I am thankful for matters. He is my comfort when I have awful days, He provided my husband, my children, and the rest of my family to pray and help me. He gave me the house I live in, the food I eat and the clothes I wear. He also gave me salvation...the knowing that one day, I will not be in Hell, but in Heaven giving Him and the Father praise and walking on the streets of gold. He has provided everything for me, and I can't be thankful for anything else without being thankful for the Him and the salvation that He gave. He is most important in my life and definitely has to be the number 1 thing I am thankful for. Where would I be without Him?


I'm really hoping that after 30 days of blogging, it will become a habit, and I can blog my thoughts, the growth of my children and the day to day challenges that I go through. As we go through November, take the time to find out what you are most thankful for and if it someone...be sure you tell them! 

Broken Hearts will be Healed

As I type, I'm almost at a loss for words. I have so much to say, but I'm not sure what to say, and I'm not sure it's what people want to hear. During this difficult time, I'm just thankful for the family and friends that are willing to say an extra prayer for and are willing to just sit with me when I can do doing nothing but cry. Those are things I need the most right now, because there are no words that make me feel better and nothing takes away the pain. I find comfort in knowing that God's grace is sufficient, and that he promised to get me through this, and I know he will.

     I never thought this would happen to me, to my family. I never thought that I would miscarry, and go through the grief and the pain that comes with something like this. My heart always went out to those who had miscarried, but I never knew what they were going through or how they felt. Now that I do, I'm thankful I prayed extra hard for them, I'm thankful that I offered them a shoulder to lean on even though I could not make them feel better.

  The physical pain is awful, I hurt, my stomach cramps, my head hurts from all the crying, and I'm just downright tired. There's more to it, but it gets a little personal. For me, the worst part is the emotional pain. My heart hurts, it literally aches and feels broken and empty. I wasn't very far along, but even my stomach feels empty. There once was a baby there, it was growing and becoming into this wonderful thing, and now it's gone. Just gone. No definite reason why, just gone. It took all I could do no to break down while the tech finished up the sonogram. It was awful, there on screen was our little baby. Very tiny, but very there. It was so hard to hear I'm so sorry, but there's no heartbeat". My eyes were seeing this baby, but my hears were hearing it's gone. Finally, after what felt like forever, I was able to get to Chris, the first thing he did was hug me, tell me that it was going to be ok, and that God does all things well. At that moment, I knew things were going to be ok, but I still was having a hard time getting it together. I had to though, I had to face the doctor, I had to face all the happy pregnant women, and the new parents with they bundles of joy in the waiting room. I had to get out of that place. Thankfully, the staff was great, my nurse took me the back way to the room, and the doctor was amazing. Very compassionate, but professional. She knew nothing she was going to say was going to make it better, but she went over the options we had, and told me what was normal, what was not, and how long we needed to wait before we begin to try again for another baby. She assured me I did nothing wrong, that something was wrong with the baby, like a chromosome missing or something like that, that caused me to miscarry. I had to schedule another appointment for Monday to make sure everything is going like it should, and the I will be clear from there care until further notice. I could not get out of that place any faster. The elevator ride felt like an eternity, and when we got to the car, I knew our next move was to make the phone calls to inform our family and closet friends. I couldn't do it, thankfully my husband was able to make those calls for me. Each time he said, "Jennifer miscarried" the tears fell. I just couldn't stop them. I just couldn't. It was awful. I felt like I was in a dream, and I was praying I would wake up. 

I knew I needed time to cope with what had happened and I needed time to get myself together before I came. After all, my beautiful, healthy wonderful two year old was waiting for me. She needs me, she needs a healthy, put together mother, who takes care of her despite the circumstances. I can't just let her go, because we lost our baby. She's still my alive and well baby, and in no way am I willing to take that for granted, so I had to get myself together. Retail Therapy....that was my "remedy". Didn't really buy too much, but just the distraction was worth it. Chris did let me get my hair cut colored, which I love. It helped the most. Just being in that chair letting someone else pamper me, made me feel so much better. After hours of walking around the store and getting my hair done, I was ready. I was ready to see my family, my daughter, and just to be around those closet to me. 

I did well for the rest of the afternoon, but when the night time hit, I felt like I had been run over by a truck. It was sinking in, there was nothing more to keep me busy, I had finally posted it to my Facebook, so I didn't want to be on there, when I watched tv it was like staring into space, cleaning didn't help either. All I could do was cry. I was home, I was home with my family, minus one. Things were different and never again were they going to be the same. My time was consumed with a baby and Maddison. What were going to decorate the nursery with, what were we going to name our baby, how can we explain to Maddison she's going to be a big sister. I took care of Maddison, the everyday things it takes to make sure she's happy and cared for and then of course the extra loving that this momma loves to give. Now, I feel kind of empty and lost. Maddison is still here, and I still love her and take the time with her because she deserves it, but I'm not sure how to tell her there's no baby. Thankfully, she hasn't asked or said anything, but I'm waiting, and I know it's going to be difficult, but it's ok. As a family, we will get through, and one day, if it's the Lord's will, she will be a big sister.

Someone said to me, sometimes we go through these things, so that way one day we can help someone else who is where we are now. I don't know the reason this has happened, and I feel all kinds of emotions about it, but I know the One who knows the reason, and I fully trust Him with my life, and I know that he does things that are to my benefit. I think I'm finally coming to terms with this miscarriage. I'm realizing, that my life will go on, things will be ok, and though they may be difficult, this too shall pass. I still have my moments, but I'm determined to get past this. It will not consume me, and take over my life and keep me from doing what I love and taking care of my family. I'm leaning of them and God, and I know I will get through this. I don't know when the time will be, but when God says the time is right, we will try for another baby. I'm scared to death that I could miscarry again, but it all goes back to God knows best. He holds the future, and as long as we follow Him and do things according to His will, everything will be ok. He's never let me down, and I know He won't. Once again, even though I'm heartbroken, I'm looking for the blessing. My wanting for another baby, is still there, but I know, when the time is right, I'll know it. 

Thank you for all the prayers, they are greatly appreciated, and we still need them. I know my broken heart won't be healed over night, that it takes time. *Romans 8:28*

Those I Miss!

With Christmas coming quickly, I've been thinking a lot about my Granny Jackie and Papa Kelley. They have passed on, but I can remember exactly how I felt having Christmas for the first time without them. It's heartbreaking and sad, and would love nothing more but for them to be here.
      Granny Jackie was a lady I looked up too. She was strong willed and she was one of my best friends. She was the one who after I was born took my sleeper off to make sure I had the "Gockley" toes. She always "believed" me when I said I was starving because my momma never fed me, and sat me down in the middle of the table with a tub of butter! (yuck!!! I hope I didn't eat a lot of it!) Lol. Her house was always clean and she always had a candy dish on the coffee table with our favorite candy in it. She would always fuss with Papa Robert and never let him forget that he was an awful snorer. Granny loved to fish! Loved to fish! You could pretty much guarantee she was fishing if she wasn't home. Most of my childhood memories are with her and Papa in St. Augstine fishing. They had a house boat, and every other weekend, I was on that boat with them fishing the days away. We would sit out on the dock for hours just fishing. I remember trying to catch the little bitty crabs, and I even caught a blow fish one time. I can remember walking up to the showers about dusk every afternoon to get ready for bed. On the way to the boat, we would always stop at this one particular store and get the few groceries we would need, and a gallon of tea. It was the best tea, I ever had. On the way home, we always stopped at the ice cream shop and would get pistachio ice cream. I remember it being such a pretty green color. Lol. Those were the best times! When we weren't fishing together, you could find us on Granny's bed watching tv doing word circles. She always had a ton of those books, and would always give me one to do with her. She had tons of shoes, jewelry and was very set and particular in her ways. She loved us grand kids, and I could always count on her. She loved her out door swing where she would sit and do more word circles.  She was hot headed at times, but very loving, and she taught me a lot of things. I miss that woman more than I can say. I wish she had been here to see me graduate and get married. I wish she was here to spoil Maddison rotten and watch her grow just like she did me. Sometimes I just wish I could go to her house to find her laying on the bed to just get away and enjoy some quiet time with her. She was grounded and strong and I hope that I have many of wonderful qualities.
      Papa Kelley, was the Papa with all the animals when we were growing up. I mostly remember helping him feed and tend to the rabbits! He had tons of them! He was very patient, he hardly got frustrated, and always gave us what we wanted. He would take us to the store and tell us, get what you want, and would never think twice about it. I remember when we spent on weekend with him when Anthony was real little. I heard Papa tell my mom that Anthony was good as gold....but when we got in the car, I was like momma, Anthony did nothing but cry the entire weekend! Lol. I will never forget the smell of the certain cigarettes that he smoke or going shopping for food at Hitchcocks on the way to his house. He never made us buy the "good" food, but would let us have cookies for breakfast if that's what we wanted. I'll never forget that little green truck he drove, and every time I see one like his, I automatically think of him. He was always there for me. He would help me in whatever way he would, and would give me whatever I needed. I didn't like when he moved to Tenn for the time, he was too far away, and I missed him a lot. Thankfully he moved back! :) I'm thankful that he was at my wedding and that he was here to meet Maddison. There's a picture I have, the last one that I took of Papa and Maddison together, and it is one of my many treasures. I love that picture, and I'm so glad I will have it for years to come. He was a great man, someone who was humorous and laughed at most things. Someone who got along with my Grandmother, even though they were divorced, and someone who changed my life.
  Both of these people are dearly missed. I would love for both of them to be here now and for Christmas, I would love for them to be in home, to be a part of my ever growing family, but the memories that we made when they were here, keep them alive, and I'm thankful and I'm lucky to have had such great grandparents like them. Our Christmases will never be the same without them.

What a Day!

What a day it has been! I have had the worst headache and have spent the day holding the couch day sleeping. I missed church. :/ Thankfully, though, my in laws took Maddison to church and kept for her the day so I could rest. I don't know where this headache came from, but I wish it would go away. Nothing I do is making it better. I just hope there's nothing more to it, and that I manage not to get sick this year.

Anyways, it was nice having the rest, and now I ready to begin the week. I have spent most of the past week cleaning and cleaning. There's just so much to be done, because I don't do it on a regular basis, but that has changed. I have learned my lesson. All the going though, has helped me to sleep much better. So far everything with this pregnancy is going well. My worst symptom is being tired...ALL the time! I remember feeling the same way with Maddison, but I don't remember it being this bad. Of course, I wasn't having to keep up with a 2 year old at the time either. I'm just really trying to balance getting everything done and getting plenty of rest. I try to do something, then take a break and then begin again. It takes me longer, but it's working. I'm so excited about my appt on the 27th. I cannot wait! I can't wait to see the baby, and see the heart beat, and to get a more accurate due date. All of that makes everything sooo real, and it just can't get here fast enough!
On top of the excitement for our first baby appt, we have all the greatness of Christmas! I'm so excited, to take Maddison to church on Christmas, cook my first Christmas dinner and enjoy the time with my family and I can't wait til Maddison gets her gifts! I'm really enjoying because next year it will be different! It won't just be three of us, and I'm so blessed to have a growing family, but I am also loving every minute with just the three of us. Things will never be the same, but they will be just as wonderful!
I hope that those around me are enjoying this time of year, that they're enjoying their families and making the best of it! I'm not stressing over the best gifts or what I can or can't buy, I'm just thankful for what I have to give and those I have to give too! The time spent with my family makes it the best time I could ask for!